Living with internal illness

I arose looked in the mirror

And there from my bed I saw a reflection, 

The total opposite of what I expect and how I feel

There the morning sun coming in through the window

I heard the body swear by life in death 

I truly wish I were not here in this moment

Deep down my internal felt like death 

Despite the feelings on the inside

I got dress in a black cotton dress

And stepped out the front door going for a walk,

Feet fumbling along the path, I ran into a neighbor 

Who spoke my name from the side of his lips

Oh my you are looking great

With a nod and a sigh I said if only you knew

You see I may be looking good on the outside

But my friend death lingers on the inside

The pain is gruesome, the aches unbearable

There are many days when I really do not

Feel like getting  out of bed.

Wishing with all my heart that the

Four walls would encased me forever

Lifting my eyes to the God above 

Realizing there is no strength within me 

To rise again another day for I am frail dust

Because living with internal illness is not a lovely thing

So this time I took Him at His words

Hoping He will restore or bring me home

So I truly cast my cares at His feet, 

Turned my eyes to heaven and walked on my way

There I kept thinking how wasted my life was

But the God of mercy and compassion saw the need 

and even at 94 he gave me a second chance

Aug. 4? 07

My Child Don’t feel sorry for me at 94

My child please don't feel sorry for me at 94.

You see my heart will fade one day. 

Why because many are the regrets

Of the past for the things I did not do

Places I should have gone which I choose not to

The days of my youth spent fruitlessly

Time spent with nature when young 

and strong doing the wrong things

Ignorance gave me no insights of true value

I thought I had the world in my hand facing foes and friends

As old age sets in and time does not permit me to do the

The things I would like to do, I'v come to realize how foolish I was.

Singing the songs I once love so much,

Their meaning now faded with age

Having no respect for time and space

Taking for granted that life belongs to me

Bur now in my old age at 94 I recognize the difference

Lying here on my back in bed reflection on the past

And could not see the future, of what fool am I

That moment truly brought me to my knees in humility

Recognizing how valuable life is when almost too late

Now my child don’t feel sorry for me

Instead render your heart to the master

While your are strong and young

Let him pour out his kindness on you

Then my old age spirit will go home

Rejoicing knowing that you have come

To know and love in your youthful days

The Beloved one that I have found in my old age.

Are you mine

Are you mine?

Honey this morning when I woke up

There was so much on my mind I forget you were there

Now that a few hours have gone by my mind is suddenly there again thinking of your goodness

I am just writing my thoughts to say honey I am sorry to walk away

At this point I do not know if you are still asleep, 

Never mind I get to understand that you neither sleep nor slumber but watches over your love ones

In that case you already knew when I left.

If it is not too much to asked I would like to stop by

Yes to see you face to face

For the last cause hopefully this time I will make it right

and get it over with in all sincerity.

I love you truly and if you have forgiven me please let me know in your reply

Thanks daddy

From your wayward child